Bloggin' the 'American Idol' Season Premiere

Okay, this is one of those guilty pleasure shows for me. I told you I'm a TV addict. This proves it.

So, this is the 5th season of 'American Idol', huh? Unlike Ryan Seacrest and some of the applicants, I personally don't consider it a rite of passage. Of course, the show is only five years old, four actually. My rites of passage predate that by just a couple of years.

I get a kick out of the bad auditions, sadistic soul that I am. Now, if I were to sing for them, I'd be the worst of the worst. Well, maybe not, when I think of some of the applicants. But my personal singing is reserved for my apartment and not used as a weapon against society at large.

Tonight's audition show starts in Chicago with a rather sour Simon, Paula and Randy. I watched them on Leno last night and they were just fine with each other. But, apparently it was a rough day or the process was taking a toll on them. If I'm being honest (line credit: Simon Cowell), Simon was even a bit worse to some than usual. Part of the fun of watching the auditions is the looks on the judges' faces and the off the cuff comments. I know. I have a mean streak.

I think the show spent entirely too much time on the contestant Derrick Duprey (sp?). He was sweaty, sang poorly and was boring. Enough all ready. He didn't deserve a second chance or an hour. He needed to be nonexistent on the show. That's what he needed.

As I'm writing this, I'm not seeing any standout Bad Idols. The kid from NY dressed as the Statue of Liberty didn't even get out the entire first line of 'New York, New York' before Simon shut him down. Lad Liberty looked shocked. Too bad he gimmicked. He may have actually had a voice.

As for some who made it through -- I was impressed by the Britnom (sp?) twins and their Motown stuff. Very nice! And a girl Mandesia made it through. In name, kind of like Fantasia. In looks and voice, a bit Frenchy Davis. Her size gave Simon the opportunity to ask if they would have a bigger stage this year. Bad Simon. Bad. I wasn't too impressed with the Suck Up To Simon Line dental assistant who made it through. Ack, I'm turned off by the sisters who just made it as I was typing. Eww!

The deputy sheriff who kept singing the "I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy" over and over (and over and over) again... sucked. Simon said another contestant reminded him of an auntie singing badly. I would have said worse.

The kid Zachary who just crooned "I'm In The Mood For Love" was decent. He's a cutie, too. He made it through. Good. He's only 17 years old. Sheesh... I would have loved a boyfriend to croon that in my direction when I was a teen. Um. Well, I still wouldn't mind it. Another cutie 17 year old boy made it through, too. David Ratcliffe did a Sinatra song which Simon loved and the others didn't. I thought he was fantastic. Paula said his package was great. (Heh.) Paula also says Simon will cut him in Hollywood. I guess we'll see.

A Britney/Paris lookin' wannabe with zilch talent just annoyed the hell out of me. I may have "bad eye makeup accompanied by yucky vocals" nightmares tonight. Thanks so much for including her on the show, guys. At least Sweats Duprey was basically just overall boring.

A girl from the Ukraine just sang the worst and weirdest version of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' that I've ever heard. Even worse than my own. (Which is over emoted and waaay off key sung to torment my two cats.) Buh-bye Ukraine Gal. (Phew!)

Now, another pair of twins made it -- the Simmons twins at 16 years old. They serenaded Paula. "Crazy Dave" is auditioning now. Eek. His eyes roll up into his head. Oh. My. God. They put him through to Hollywood. FREAK SHOW! What the...? Have Paula and Randy lost their minds? This guy squirms, runs barefoot and talks to the animals (in addition to his eyes rolling up into his head as he sings).

The end of the show was a bad salute to poor Patty LaBelle's 'Lady Marmalade' -- poor Patty didn't deserve that.
"Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir?"
"Not if you sing."

So, there ya go. Another season is ON. Are you watching? Tomorrow's show is auditions in Denver. Be there or be square.