'Hell's Kitchen' - Episode 5 -or- "Cooking Like Donkeys!"

I interrupt your regularly scheduled Big Brother Live Feeds Updates to bring you up to date on the latest Hell's Kitchen. Hey, I've been talking about it each week so far this season; I can't let a bunch of odd people in a house in California stop me now! (I will be posting feeds updates later tonight and early, early in the morning, then again tomorrow evening...I'm talking east coast time here.)

As the show opened, we had seven wannabe chefs, although not suited for fry cooks, contestants remaining out of the original twelve. Thankfully, Tom went the last episode. He should have never been there in the first place! Now I want Sara out of there just because she's an obnoxious, sneaky, so-and-so.

Chef Ramsay treated all of the contestants to what they thought was real fancy-shmancy food. Instead, the caviar came from catfish; the pate was crushed hot dogs; the fondue was Cheez Wiz, and there was a TV dinner in there posing as something as well. All of the contestants went on about how great the food was with Garrett only stumbling for a moment. After being told what they were eating, Keith said, "Hot dogs are slammin'!" No wonder he liked the pate!

The "meal" was a prelude to a taste-test contest between the teams. Blindfolded with headphones, each team member was pitted against another in identifying a spoonful of something. (No one got a spoonful of sugar, although it may have helped the medicine go down.) The women, with one sitting out to even the teams, won. Woohoo, they did a photo shoot for TV Guide.

And, that brings up the creepy Sara again! Argh! She was fondling Ramsay's leg and being blatant about gas during the shoot. What the hell is wrong with that woman? Get her gone!

As the women drank champagne, got all dolled up, and posed pretty, the men had to clean the mess left in the kitchen from the night before. Well, the men and Heather, as Ramsay put her on that team to even numbers. (Back to -- suppose a reality show put on a gender war and nobody came?)

The dinner service as the usual frantic mess as Ramsay yelled, "Where's the lamb sauce?" I don't know. I think if I were there, I could tell him where to put his lamb sauce. There were burnt ducks, well-done Beef Wellington, burnt quail, and even a hair on an entree. Horrors! Ramsay freaked that the teams weren't communicating, yet he certainly doesn't create an atmosphere of open communication. It tends to be like: "Chef, the lamb will be ten minutes!" "Off with your head and serve that on a (#&^%#@ platter!"

Ramsey showed odd familiarity with two of the contestants tonight. First, he took Rachel aside as she was screwing up right and left and gave her a pep talk. Then, it was even more weird with Keith, something about "nobody's ever told you that you could do well." I expected Keith to reply, "Mommy never loved me." Blech.

They actually got the entrees served when Ramsay did his final blow-up "shut down the kitchen" bit. But, both teams had their woes. He decided the Red Team did the worst and that Virginia was the best of the worst. It was up to her to name two nominees to get booted.

Rachel told Heather to win it and go after Sara if she got the boot. And, after a long rambling nomination, Virginia nominated both Rachel and Maribel. Ramsay booted Rachel.

Go get Sara, Heather! You can do it.

Now, the more I watch these characters, the less I'm liking Heather. She was my favorite from the start. She's crumbling, though. I hope the promise to Rachel boosts her back up. I don't like Keith. It looks like Ramsay is liking him more each week, but his whole demeanor oozes burger-flipper, not a top chef. Garrett? Eh, better than Sara or Maribel. Chef Ramsay ought to kick them all out of the kitchen and get in a new cast.