A rusted, neglected, and probably defunct Wall Street Journal honor box sitting at the Plainfield (NJ) Train Station poses a bleak outlook on the American dream. I'm basically a bit all-around bleak today, I'll admit. So the photo is fitting.
I want to thank everyone for their condolences on the loss of my cat Scherzo. I'm still reeling with the shock as she was perfectly fine just a few days ago. We sat on the couch with the curtains open watching nearby neighbors' (illegal) fireworks, we played, we cuddled, she purred, she groomed my hand (she was a real licker). And, wham. She's gone.
Since Teaser died in 2007, Scherzo had really blossomed personality-wise and seemed to love being an only cat. Her presence got me through the rough times of my knee replacement surgery last summer. I now have an empty apartment that I'll be coming home to each day.
It's likely that I'll eventually have another cat in my home. Not as a replacement, mind you. Each cat is special in his own way and no two I've ever known are alike. I'll probably go the next knee replacement in November alone. Even if I happen to have a cat at the time, it won't be like the 17 year bond I had with Scherzo.
I took today off from my day job as I look like a total wreck and I'm so emotionally shaky. I'll go in tomorrow. Today I'm throwing out the litter pan, cleaning and storing the food dishes, throwing away cat toys, the old cat condo, the cat bed, etc. I'll eventually transport all the cat food and treats I have on hand to the feral cat population (including Roofus) over by the train station.
Sigh.
Onto a bit more TV-related:
If I feel energetic later, I'll be setting up my Comcast digital adapters on both of my TVs (one by the computer, one in the living room). Since Comcast is basically forcing folks like me with the basic cable service to go digital or lose everything except local stations, I have to get it done. I like my A&E, Animal Planet, TNT, and more. So, they sent me two adapters and I have to eventually get them set up. Today might be the day. No, I still won't have premium channels. They're just not in my budget.
Speaking of cable TV, with yesterday's unexpected events, I totally didn't post my sneak peek on Dark Blue, the new TNT series with Dylan McDermott. I hope you caught it. I have the screener for next week's episode and I highly recommend the show. And ... it doesn't interfere with Big Brother! 10 PM on Wednesdays, TNT.
Tonight I'll be resuming my Big Brother 11 coverage, starting with the live show post at 8:00 PM. The feeds will probably be quiet today leading into the live show and, to be honest, I only peeked at them a few random times yesterday. If you want to catch up on the latest since yesterday, I suggest hamsterwatch or jokersupdates. My own feeds reports will start up with a late night post tonight and an early morning one tomorrow.
Again, thank you for all your love.
38 comments:
Happy to hear from you Jackie!
I remember packing up Copper's items, so hard. Glad to hear the feral cats will benefit from the food.
That is a good thing...
Just take a deep breath once and awhile and remember the love you received from your kitty and the love it got from you!!!
That was a beautiful post. I love that you will be contributing to the Ferrel cats. Like I said yesterday. The cat in my backyard is wild and just had three babies. I would love to have one sent to you if you lived a little closer.
Hugs....
Lovely post, Jackie, and so many of us really do feel your pain. We are here for you!
No worries about BB, it's pretty much a snooze fest anyway. You taking care of you is way more important than anything else!
Jackie, the next few days will be really hard for you. We all realize that and don't expect you to proceed as though nothing sad has happened in your life. Scherzo was family. A lot of people who do not have or adore pets can't fathom or understand the love we feel for our animals or the void that we feel when they are gone.
Post when you are ready. If you are not feeling up to posting this evening, open the door, take down WV and tell us to clean up and lock up when we leave. It won't be as much fun as it is with you at the party or in the pool, but we do understand and do not expect you to be as if nothing bad happened.
Dear Jackie, I read your column but don't contribute but want to tell you how sorry I am about your kitty. Just lost my Pooh, also 17 years old, 3 weeks ago and the pain is unreal. Hang in there. Pat in Fl.
Jackie, I am another that follows your blog and enjoys viewing the closeness of the community. You are one special lady who has the admiration of many. As you begin this journey of grief, you will not travel alone. Here we are lifting you by our presence and words both written and in spirit. God Bless you.
Hi Jackie: that photo is awesome, it could grace a Newsweek or Time magazine cover...
I gave my kitties an extra squeeze yesterday, it's easy to take them for granted when they're pooping, spitting up hairballs, scratching on everything except the scratching post... they're 10 years old, bro & sis. I guess, like you, I'll probably always be a cat person! Extra hugs as you mourn the absence of Scherzo.
Jackie, I'm glad you wrote and let us know how you're doing. After you have let your heart healed, some new furbaby will catch your eye, and you'll think "He/she needs to come live with me." Scherzo was a beautiful Calico. My Lanie was a Calico, and she passed away suddenly at 13.
You guys remember when I lost Clooney last spring, he was only 5 and it was just horrible in every way possible. There's not one day that I don't think about him. We did get another Maine Coon from his breeder who I'm sure is a cousin of Clooney's. And I think everyday: "Clooney would love Elliot." They would be best buddies.
Tonight's show will be predictable as the hamsters tried to waffle, but I still think Braden will be the first to exit, and the show will make it all "who's going?" and what not. I am so tired of the jock alliance: JOIN US, OR DIE.
I can't believe I was cheering for Laura when she told Jessie: "Watch out how you talk to me." WTG Laura!!
I did watch Dark Blue last night. Great show. Two Thumbs up.
Ohh so here are my two questions coming into tonight: Since Jessie was HOH he can't play for this week's HOH. The jocks were also immune, so does that mean they can't play either? I'm guessing they can because Julie didn't say otherwise.
Also: Casey and Jessie definitely knew each other outside the house. Are there other people in there that knew recycled HG's as well? And is Julie or DR sessions going to address this?
Jackie, I am so sorry.....I hope you have some good friends around you to get through this.
So pleased to see you back for a little visit Jackie. I know it can't be easy to be posting some of the trivia when your heart is broken. As others have said, don't feel obligated to post, we'll still be here when you're ready.
I don't think we've missed anything and I don't even care to go over to hampsterwatch or jokersupdates. I'll wait for you.
Take some time for yourself.
Oh Jackie -- I'm glad you stayed home from work. What a shock.
When this happened the only thing I could think was that some other cat/cats need you badly. I work with so many animals in need of a good home in the volunteer work I do. And though it is too early to think about it, I just wanted to say that might call to you in a month or so. I'd say a month or 12 if you didn't have the surgery coming up. I think it would make a huge difference to have a kitty with you when you do the second knee, especially those first few blotto weeks when it's hard to sleep and you feel like drek. A fur baby is wide awake at night and if not a play pal, is certainly very comforting to have there, with minimal care needed.
Though it would not be a 17 year relationship, I am amazed how quickly I get attached to animals I care for at the rehab center in just a few days. Anyway, you can always buy new food, toys, etc... but I was just thinking a little someone might fall in love with you sooner than you think.
PS: As someone who comments regularly, it is SO great to see and meet all of you who follow along with us but say you never commment. I feel so enriched to "see and hear" all of you, and would love it if you commented more. Even a little bit... lol I know it's not for everyone, but I am just extending the wish and invitation, for whatever that's worth.
Jackie, I too am glad you were able to take the day off from work. Just let the feelings flow and do as much or as little as you want.
Thanks for sharing the story of you and Scherzo on the sofa, contentedly cuddling and watching fireworks, as she groomed your hand. What a charming, cozy mental image.
Sydney's post got me thinking....wouldn't it be something if Roofus could be lovingly turned into a tamed apartment cat?
MEB - That Dingo's (don't know her real name)Hamsterwatch site isn't a blow-by-blow feeds site like jokersupdates. She's one person, like me, and infuses a lot of opinion into her posts. I've admired her work since her first year. Last year her cat (who she had themed all over her site) died during the BB10 season. She sent me a personal note about Scherzo yesterday. She's good people.
Sydney - I went a month after my 19-year-old cat died before getting Teaser and Scherzo 17 years ago. Right now, I just don't know. In a few months, maybe I'll look at older cats (not kittens) who need homes. It feels so all alone here without a cat. But right now, I just don't know. I'm one who only believes in a lifelong commitment to a pet and it's a big decision.
Sally - Although Roofus's life as a feral cat limits his years and affects his health, at his age I don't think he'd be able to adjust to a life indoors. I'm a firm believer of keeping my cat(s) indoors, plus live in an apartment situation. If I let a cat out my front door here, he'd be stuck in the hallway. Roofus is at least two and a half years old (judging from my first sightings). He'd be bummed.
Hi Jackie,
Comcast here. First, I'm sorry about your kitty. My cat passed the first year I went away to college and we had her since I was in 4th grade. I was devastated. She was such a good cat. Secondly, if you need assistance setting up your converters or would like me to look into what getting you the upgrade that includes premiums (just to see what it would cost), please email our team at the address below. I know we frequently have promotions for 6 or 12 months free of some premium channels when you upgrade to Digital Starter. :)
Kind Regards,
Melissa Mendoza
Comcast Customer Connect
National Customer Operations
We_Can_Help@cable.comcast.com
@ComcastMelissa
jackie-
please take all the time you need. suddenly loosing a friend of seventeen years isn't easy. when you're ready to let another furbaby into your heart, you'll know.
if you haven't already thrown kitty's things out, please consider donating them to your local shelter. they will appreciate it.-jeannemarie
BB News: Is Chima gone? All are in the HOA room except team Jessie and Chima. whoo hooooo BB game is on!
Just thinking of you Jackie. It is good you took the day off today. It is so sad picking up all those little items tho...makes me so sad for you. I am glad that Scherzo died quietly at home with just you instead of in a mad dash to the vets and all the stress that entails. Hang in there girlfriend. You have a lot of prayers going up for you. Love, Auntie Leigh
Jackie,
I haven't ever blogged before but i have read yours for years with BB. I am so sorry to hear about your cat. I have 3 of my own. I live in an apartment in AZ and they are indoor cats. I'm so very very sorry for your loss!!!
D.Johnson
Sally, I thought the same thing about Roofus but I am not sure if he's so feral that he could not be even caught, let alone tamed. But you never know. Maybe it's meant to be!
anon 2:59
I thought for sure it would be Chima going but still can't pin point who Ronnie is really going to vote for. He is playing way to hard way to fast.
I would really like Chima to go this week. I can't stand the way she complains and that laugh is driving me bonkers.
I would like to see natalie go next week. She is just unbelievable. Bet she would be mad if she found out about Lydia and Jessie
OK Jackie... I went over to hampsterwatch and read, but she's not easy flowing like you are, but she's alright. I picked up a couple of things from her that I didn't know.
I swear my wv is mewoos
Jackie and Sydney, I guess it's the Pollyanna part of me that posed the "Wouldn't it be something....?" question about Roofus. I have heard of feral cats being successfully domesticated, but I'm sure that's the exception rather than the rule, and likely works best when started at an early age. It was a happy thought though.
Jackie, you'll know when it's time to let another fuzzy feline adopt you and wrap his or her little paws around your heart.
And I firmly agree with you that it's best to keep pet cats indoors. My four aren't even interested in sneaking out anymore, even though they all had been strays who spent time on their own outdoors.
It looks like the it's up to the nerds, I mean brains. I thought Ronnie and the scientist chick were on the Jordan, Casey and Jeff team. But Chima is a nerd/brain cliche. Braden makes me laugh, Chima makes me want to buy ear plugs. My vote for next week is Lydia. I think she needs a therapist. I guess we shall see...
meb--
I have a hard time following hamster as well.
I use jokers all day at work. when you go to the main page click on quick view. I just minimize it on my screen. then every so often i maximize it and hit refresh.
At home my son makes fun of me because it never is closed out all summer long. I remember the last post I read at home before work then get to work and refresh it there. then get home and do the same. can't help loving BB.
I found jackie first and couldn't believe I wasn't the only person who is so entranced with BB.
I'm glad you stayed home today. My Pixie (min pin (dog)) was hit by my neighbors car 6 years ago or so. I was devastated and grieved for awhile. My Mom was concerned about me cause I just went to work and nothing else. I cried a lot and eventually I was able to move on. I had not been dogless since I was 5 or so. Adjusting to the quiet took some time. When I would come home there would me no one there to greet me. About 6 months later I was ready and I adopted Angel (my little sweety) she was 7 years old and a breeder from a puppy mill. A few weeks later I adopted Pumpkin - Angels evil stepsister. She was 3 and mine was her 6th home. Yea she has some issues. They have been with me for 6 years this summer. I can highly recommend adopting an older pet. The babies are cute but the potty training and teething fazes are over with.
So take the time you need and you will know when the time is right for a new furry friend. It will be a very lucky kitty (or 2)
Margo
Hi Jackie,
I haven't posted b/c I'm bad with the serious sad news. But I just wanted to say that it's sweet that you had 3 cats who lived long lives.
I've never really given much thought before to how much love pets, especially cats, can provide their owners. Maybe, I'll reconsider getting a kitty someday. (Animals completely freak my mom out!)
Nina
Sally et all:
I was thinking the same thing: Roofus showing up on Jackie's doorstep saying: "I need a home!"
But those feral cats.. they do not want to be around many people if at all. My little stray still comes by twice a day for me to feed her, and she had another litter in March.
Hi Jackie -
I was so happy to read your new post when I got home. I'm glad you didn't go to work today as well. Just staying home and breathing in and out for a day or two is best. It reminds me of the first few minutes of the movie Sleepless in Seatle when Tom Hanks talks about grieving his wife.
I have to thank you because I too spent extra time with my baby girl last night and she's on my lap now as I type. She's actually no longer a baby, but 8 years old as of last month. I think I've described how I came to 'adopt' her on your blog, but it was a few years ago.
She's a successful taming of a feral cat, but she was only around 8 weeks old when I brought her home to live with me. Both of her litter mates didn't live more than a year or two. When I visit my mother's home, I look at all of her relatives (Mom's feral kitties), and feel blessed that she is such a tame housecat now. I used to worry about her bolting out the door when I opened it, but she actually prefers to just walk away from the door now when I open it. I agree about Roofus... I would never be able to even catch one of the older cats at my mother's house if I tried.
Anyway, if you don't feel up to giving BB updates, there are a few of us on here with the feeds and I would be happy to post little updates here in the comments section. I have a three day weekend so its no problem. :)
Still sending you virtual hugs and prayers of peace as you mourn Scherzo. :) M
Monty924--
You got to catch the feral cats at a very young age if you can catch them at all.I have a front yard feral and a back yard feral. The backyard wont come near anyone. She just had three kittens. They don't like people either.
The only time the front yard cat comes to me is when she is ready for big kitty din dins(she gets excited when I say that). She will run to the bowl and rub on my legs till I drop the food.
Jackie--
I think in time Jackie you will get the perfect kitten. She/he will find you and just love you so much
Jackie,
I am so sorry for your loss. We just lost our 16 year old cat "Gilly" last month. Remember the love and fun times.
SSW
meb-
i checked out hamster watch along with some other big brother sites. they all stink. none are as good as jackie's and the crew who post here.
jackie rocks! -jeannemarie
i wouldn't call roofus feral. i think of him as more of a stray. if roofus interacts with people there is a good chance he can be tamed. you never know. {{{jackie}}}
There is one site that I find is almost as good as a visual hamsters... I think about 6 people or 4 people can contribute posts.
Jackie, you probably know about this one. I haven't checked it at all this year,and am waiting for your reports.
But since it's on the topic today...
http://www.bigbrothergossip.com/
How nice is that that the Dingo gal wrote you a personal note!!!
sydney
the link you posted is almost as good as jackie's blog. i like jackie's better.
cha cha said...
Monty924--
You got to catch the feral cats at a very young age if you can catch them at all.
---------
Believe me, I know that all too well. I absolutely adore one of Mom's cats but no way will she let me within five feet of her, even though I was the only one feeding her for months last summer when my mother was visiting my sister. She loves to sit on the porch chair and look in the kitchen door, but open the door and she bolts. Her kittens and the other adult's kittens are all the same way. You absolutely have to "catch" one when they are little. My brother caught my cat, when she was a baby, and told me, "You are taking this one home with you". :) I waffled on it for an hour or two, because I lost a dear pet cat around two years before, but I've never regretted for a moment that he shamed me into bring her home to live with me. :)
Less than twenty minutes until BB. I guess my pool boy is going home tonight. I think I'll just tread around the pool for a week or two before I jump on anyone's pool float. My early favorites are Jeff and Laura... just because they don't take any crap off the bullies in the house.
justmegan, I do too!!!!!
sorry-- that was supposed to say justmeagain!
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